Origins of Transylvania
by Cececat
Summary: "A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…" the IX Hispana Legion found a crashed starship not far from their camp. Being the good little Romans they were they hijacked it and set out to conquer the stars. They ended up founding a colony that evolves into its own world. The story of Transylvania written (in-universe) by historian Gaius Cececatus Felix. (Please Read/Review!)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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 **A/N: This is random, crazy... and hopefully entertaining.** **It's supposed to be like a book written by fictional writer Cececarus, who is described below. If people like the idea I might write a new into.**

 **There's some swearing because it's written by (literal) Space-Romans. I'm pretty sure at least Roman _soldiers_ talked like RHPS callbacks. That is, their dialogue was peppered with naughty jokes and vulgar words. Though there's not much of that (at least in this chapter).**

 **By the way, all the 'Roman History' stuff is pure fiction... as far as I know.**

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 _About the Author : Gaius Cececatus Felix was born the 10th of Patricianus 1831 (Transylvanian-Reckoning). That's around 1950 in Earth-Years. Though from an upper-class political family, Gaius Cececatus Felix spent his childhood quietly reading dull books. He became interested in the recording of modern history when his friends took him to a party where he saw the crown prince looking very silly whilst intoxicated. Because of this Cececatus became fascinated with what the royal family did besides be important and wear stylish fishnets. So he began a career as researcher of history._

 _His works include the **History of Transylvania** series, **Old Religion and Myths of Transylvania** , and **What We Learned From the Denton Affair** (a commentary on modern-day Earth's stupidity). His favorite pastimes are hosting decadent dinner parties (like every Transylvanian with money), writing things, and singing rather badly. Cececatus currently lives on a desolate rock orbiting Transsexual, having been banished for laughing at the Queen's haircut._

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On the far away planet Earth a legion (called IX Hispana) of the planet's greatest army came across a strange metal ship that had fallen from the stars. The year was -1 (in our reckoning) and the season summer. A boiling hot, mind-numbingly dull summer. These soldiers were supposed to be guarding the edge of the world from whatever terrible things were there. Though their technology was superior and their military-based society better working than enemies. Rome – as it was called – was a glorious place indeed. They ruled their world already… so the soldiers were very bored. _Another_ world past this dull place is what the needed. These people were those who conquered the lesser. Nobody could ever equal them. Indeed, after the painful fall, no Earthling society had the same level of technology for at least ten thousand of our years.

So it was lucky they'd found was an abandoned _star_ ship. Some beastly aliens had miscalculated and crashed in the middle of a field near their current camp. Since the soldiers had little else to do a small group of them – headed by Marcus Brianillus – investigated the crash site. With ease they killed the aliens, who hardly fought back due to being rather worn-out from the crashing and all. They won this fight with honor. And much coolness. These were some really badass fighters.

At the end of the skirmish they were left with a few snake-like alien corpses and a smashed-up ship. The former was good, the latter not so.

One soldier called Aldricus pointed out that it couldn't be too hard to _fix_ the ship. Soon enough the least busy soldiers began fixing up this ship from the skies. The Gods' gift to them, as they saw it. It was a sign for them to explore and conquer the heavens as they'd conquered Terra. To avoid being told off, or otherwise punished, they mentioned the project to nobody who wasn't of the IX. If others knew of it surely they'd be pissed off. They wouldn't understand. This would be considered deserting by those who wouldn't listen. But it wasn't meant to be deserting. No, just another way to gain more glory for Rome and its sort of evil government!

Even a few women were involved in this. It being something of a conspiracy _that_ was only natural. Servillia, Aurelia, and Quintillius Patricia were those whose names have remained in our records. There _were_ more than those three… people just don't think they're worth remembering for some reason. Though they played a _very_ important role later on. Females can give birth and are crucial for such things like creation of future generations. Anyway, these fine young men would've gotten rather bored without any attractive young women around. Though some of the men were nice looking too. Especially the centurion Marcus Brianillus, some say.

Soon enough the starship they'd been rebuilding was complete. It was time to leave Earth and go explore the stars.

They chose a full-mooned night in the Earth-month June (about when our month Terrianus is) to leave. The skies were very clear, which was a good omen. There also had been a nest of hawks near the site of their ship's rebuilding. Since all three baby hawks had survived to become adults it is thought by many that the Gods were trying to tell the soldiers that the soldiers too would survive their flight into. Since they all _knew_ this adventure would be successful none of them worried about anything. Indeed, they even made the mistake of talking about it in front of those who weren't supposed to know…

On the night they'd planned their departure for all went as planned. All the women and their illegitimate children (plus a few born in wedlock) got into the ship first. As the men were climbing in things went wrong. You see, somebody had suspected the IX of attempting to desert all at once. Perhaps to fight Rome! That was far from the truth – but, alas, an easy assumption to make.

A fight broke out. Roman against Roman, terribly enough! All seemed to be lost as these fine men hacked away at each other with shiny-sharp blades. Limbs and gory-bits were strewn everywhere like some sort of shitty pulp horror story. It was a good man's nightmare and a decadent king's dream.

Finally, a woman called Quintillius Patricia had enough of watching helplessly. With her boyfriend's sword in her hand she became part of the fight. Since she knew nothing of war she didn't follow the strict training of the men. Her failure at 'proper' fighting caused enough distraction and chaos that the remaining men of the IX managed to flee to the ship. They then left in a hurry.

Quintillius Patricia sacrificed herself for the common good. That is Roman – and Transylvanian – honor at its finest. We have the month 'Patricianus' because of this woman. It originally replaced Maius, her birth-month, though now the calendar is now so fucked up thanks to mathematics failures and Transsexual's strange orbit that it's probably around Earth's midwinter!

Anyway… _our ancestors had left Earth and began the journey to the galaxy we now call our own._

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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 **A/N: Hopefully people are reading this. It's fun to write.**

 **By the way, there's a reference to my story _I, Claudia_ in this chapter. Cececatus and Claudia live in the same time period and same 'verse so it only makes sense. This chapter's kinda short because I couldn't think of much to say. Not that anyone's really reading right now. **

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The flying of the ship wasn't too challenging. But finding a place to go – _that_ proved difficult. Nobody really knew what to look for. Perhaps a deserted place, in order to make a base of sorts? Though many planet's looked uninhabitable. Some of the soldiers were getting a bit annoyed and drinking unwatered wine by then. This was barbaric and some blamed such behavior on why the gods. Another trouble was that there weren't birds in outer space any so augury – meaning the interpretation of the gods' wills from watching birds - was impossible.

Eventually one soldier (historians cannot agree on which) found a lever in the ship's control room, on the day in Junius when Fortuna is usually honored, and accidentally sent them far through the universe by fiddling with it. Now we know he'd accidentally hit the Timewarp Drive activator.

They called this new galaxy they'd found Transsylva, for the quick journey there was to them like riding rapidly on horseback through (trans) a forest (sylva). Later the name for our galaxy has evolved into Transylvania somehow. Though Transsylva is the more scientific and ancient term.

The planet they chose to land on was given the name "Stellannia" because it was a world in the stars. Not much time later somebody important changed it to "Transsexual" when very drunk. Nobody knows who did this or what the reasoning for it was. It's one of those things. Anyway, there were more important matters at hand as they set up a colony.

A town was built and named soon Vaverly after it's first leader - Marcus Vaverlius. Many soldiers married their girlfriends in the hope that they'd be able to figure who fathered which of the various children being born. The colony needed a second generation and people had been getting bored on the ship. These hasty weddings probably didn't do much good. You know how women can be when there're lots of brave young men around. Though at least it made things more organized. Paterfamilias are a vital part of the community. If each household doesn't have someone firmly ruling over it they how will the entire town or country have a good leader? Family was _very_ important to our ancestors. This ideal has remained even to this day. Remember what happened to Domina Lucretilla? Remember how her brother swore to somehow avenge her dreadful fate?

Though there was another tradition that was less easy to maintain. Of _course_ there were no people on the ship who'd been a priest back in Rome. This was just a bunch of soldiers. So people stuck together the various religious things they could remember. This system worked well enough. People worshiped their household gods as they had back home. Then they'd go to a building set up as a temple for another major, especially involving sacrifices. A lot of people were asking for help early on though this excitement died down a bit later.

In Rome it was a priest's job to keep the calendar properly working. 38-year-old Servillia had been a Vestal at one point, though now she was the plebian soldier Salpirus' wife. Since _he_ was good at mathematics it was decided, after she checked the stars for, that he would invent a new calendar. This was not unlike Earth's calendar at first. It _did_ have 16 months instead of the original 12. The sun shone equally all year 'round on their new planet so things didn't need to match up with the seasons. This is why we've got a nice even 16 months/64 weeks/384 days per year. Also, the year system was reset so the year they landed on _their_ new planet was year 1.

Since there were far less people in the colony a slightly simpler government was set up. It was to be a republic of sorts. Basically, five people were elected as a counsel of sorts for four years and one elected to be a leader for two years.

The first 'leader' was Salpirus (yeah, the same person who devised the calendar. That guy was popular). He was a legionary of plebian blood, though he'd been wealthy back home. His wife being an ex-vestal probably helped. Naturally he became dictator for life at the first chance. This happened to be a month after being elected, and for reasons nobody can actually remember. Because of how Rome had been ruled for the previous century or so nobody really cared. The colonists just enjoyed their new freedoms and got really drunk more than they should've. Children grew up to be adults who'd never seen Earth. Stories were told, books were written about it. Though few really thought of that old place it remained in our memories well enough that we never forgot it.

So began our beloved planet's colonization.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Most of the Roman names are Latin-sounding parodies of various RHPS-related words. For example: 'Vaverlus' is supposed to sound like 'Waverly', as in the movie theatre where RHPS Audience Participation began (there's no 'w' in Latin). Also... look out for a few more references to _I, Claudia_. I'm having fun making them take place in the same 'verse. **

**Here we learn more about the government and some things about the great poet Publius Brianillus. He's basically Richard O'Brien-meets-Virgil. Hopefully that's not too crazy.**

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The early government – as I have previously mentioned – was technically a dictatorship. Because that was how things were back home in Rome this bothered nobody. Though after Salpirus had been ruling for a while, somebody called Lucius Vaverlus Theatrum had an idea. What if they just stopped pretending and declared a king? Rome wasn't allowed kings anymore because of what happened to Lucretia. But this wasn't Rome… it was a colony in the galaxy Transsylva.

Salpirus liked this idea. Though his name wasn't regal enough for a king's name. So he became Patricianus Caesar. That name was in part a tribute to Quintillia Patricia, for she'd sacrificed her life for them all. It's believed that Servillia had something to do with that woman being honored in such a way. Some say Servillia was a close friend to Patricia (not a lover, though).

Patricianus Caesar and Servillia had a son named Primus and two daughters, Doria and Terrilla, living by the time the colony (then a town called Vaverlium and various nearby farms) reached its tenth anniversary. Most of the other families were doing equally well, mind you. Nine families (those being Brianillus, Laurus, Patricianus Caesar, Dulcibellus, Currianus, Servillius, Vaverlus, Dominus Crassus, and Cececatus) had become the 'nobles' while all others were plebian. Some of the families declined in greatness while others became greater. I am of the Cececatus family, as you've surely noticed. Poor Lucretilla, victim of Gaius Dulcibellus Caesar Frankenfurter, happens to be of the Dominus Crassus and our current queen Claudia is a Dulcibellus. Yes, the names have lasted these many centuries.

By the time the third generation of people born on the planet had come of age virtually nobody who'd seen Earth still lived. Primus Patricianus Caesar and his father before him ruled fairly. Attempts at farming initially failed because there wasn't sunlight, though soon enough a system of artificial lights was devised from the starship they'd travelled. Mines had been discovered and lovely gems mined. The town had become more of a small city. The usual festivals were honored, as were a few new ones. More of the population was well learned because there were far less people to teach and it gave the clever something to do.

The people were relatively content – and there weren't even any bread and circuses...

Now the one useful thing they _didn't_ have was literature. Or _art_ of any kind, come to think of it. What they did have was some leftover ideas Rome had ripped off from the Greeks. That's something embarrassing, isn't it? Nearly all of their art or music or poetry or whatever was actually Greek. They were all too busy being soldiers. Good thing we had the poet Publius Brianillus.

Brianillus is the man who wrote our famous Rohopish epic poem. He's what Virgil was to Rome. Everyone knows his name even today. Of course, Rohopish and other works of his are now considered something of a 'geek thing' by younger generations. You know how young people are. Queen Dulcibella Claudia is a fan, by the way, and wrote a parody of sorts called _Adventures of a Fan_ when she was young. Of course, it wasn't until her memoir that we knew it was _she_ who'd written it. Though that's irrelevant.

What matters is that Rohopish is _our_ poem. It's the greatest work any of our people has ever produced. This project was begun in the 280s and finished circa 350. The man himself was born in the 23rd of Brianillus in 244. It seems he died soon before finishing, for the work just _stops_ all of a sudden. Despite the abrupt ending and somewhat bizarre style, we are all very proud of Rohopish.

Here's a few lines of the Prologue, badly translated from a more archaic form of our language:

 _Once stories told of the mad nonsense that we do invent_

 _Not science but fiction fills the tales that we do enjoy_

 _False threats, foolishness, awful affects that we do love_

 _Flash Gordon in silver underwear said to be there now_

 _Scream Queen Fay Wray apparently caught with King Kong_

 _Doctor X did make a creature cruel for the evilz_

 _The Androids did not fight Brad and his Janet here_

 _The legs of Anne Francis star in the Tempest remake_

 _Once stories told of the mad nonsense that we do invent_

 _Not science but fiction fills the tales that we do enjoy_

 _False threats, foolishness, awful affects th_ at we do love

 _Lore mocked by wisdom mentions the monsters from outer space_

 _In science fiction show, picture show things are so mad_

 _Celluloid stories keep people quiet as do bread and circus_

As you might've noticed the 13th month of our year, Brianillus, is named after him. That's because he was born in that month (as previously noted).

Not much is known about Publius Brianillus' actual life. Though we do know he was born in the capital city Vaverlium, spent his childhood in remote countryside villa, went back to the city, and finally returned to the countryside to retire. Rohopish was written during his later years in the city and retirment. His contemporaries said he was quiet-mannered though witty. _Some_ say he wasn't well educated – though surely that is slander, since he wrote our greatest work. Yet that poem _was_ based on earlier, fragmented legends considered stupid by most people.

Since time machines can't go farther back then a century or so we'll never really know much about the life of he who wrote our beloved Rohopish.

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	4. Notes on Transylvania society, etc

**GENERAL NOTES** **on Transsexual Transylvania that should help with you're understanding of things by Gaius Cececatus Felix or Dulcibella Claudia. It's sort of like strangely evolved Ancient Roman Culture, as one surely expects from silly old me. Speaking of me, it's more (c) me than (c) 20th Century Fox or Richard O'Brien.**

 **If another fanfic writer wishes to borrow some of these ideas I'd like them to private message me about it.**

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 **Basics of the CALENDAR:** Each year is 384 days. These years are counted from the point the IX landed on Transsexual Transylvania (about 124 AD in our year-system). Because the planet has a very strange orbit in which the sun shines only on the uninhabited half the planet. It's season-less thanks in part to this. Night and day are dictated by whether the moon is visible (see 'Astronomy', below, for more details). So they made it much more organized.

Yes, I've been writing a few of the years wrong in this story and _I, Claudia_. I'll go back and fix that sometime. Though it doesn't actually hurt the story in any way so I haven't bothered yet. Nobody's really reading anymore so I don't think people care.

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 **Months (24 days each)** :

11\. Claudianus (was Jan)

12\. Dulcibellus (was February)

13\. Brianillus (was March)

14\. Currianus (was April)

15\. Patricianus (was May)

16\. Janianus (end of year, extra)

1\. Terrianus (when they left Earth, was June, New Year)

2\. Hispanianus (July)

3\. Jupitus (August)

4\. Laurianus (September)

5\. Vaverlus (extra)

6\. Hartlianus (extra)

7\. Salpirus (extra)

8\. Octobus (was October)

9\. Novembus (was November)

10\. Decembus (was December)

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 **Days of the Week (6)** :

Lunaday (Saturday/weekend)

Terraday (Friday)

Lauriday (Thursday)

Curriday (Wednesday)

Patriciday (Tuesday)

Brianiday (Monday)

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 **Holidays:**

There are many excuses for Transylvanians to party. Of course, only some are worth noting. Many are only marks on a calendar that nobody bothers with unless they want to host a party. They've retained the Roman celebration of Saturnalia... though the religious aspect is basically lost. It's always on Decembus 21st, instead of the 17th, for reasons unknown. Their New Years is on Terrianus 1st. There's a holiday near the end of Salpirus, which is often in November according to the Earth-calendar, on which the Denton Affair took place. Now it's more associated with that than it's original purpose. Oddly enough, that is the anniversary of the first return trip to Earth.

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 **NAMING CONVENTIONS:**

As in Rome, women are named after their father's family name. Often they've got a personal name attached at the end too. The personal name is technically optional though very common by Frank's time. The only exception is when their born into the royal (Caesar) family. In such a case any child of that family into the gets the royal family name, even if it's their father isn't. For example: Claudia, daughter of Queen Dulcibella Livia, is called Dulcibella Claudia.

A man's inherited nickname, passed down in the family, comes first with a personal afterwards. For example: Gaius, who is a son of Queen Dulcibella Livia, was named Gaius Dulcibellus Caesar at birth. Later he went to Earth and began calling himself Frank N. Furter for some reason. So his official name became Gaius Dulcibellus Caesar Frankenfurter.

Many of the family names are fake-Latin. Though personal names such as Gaius, Lucius, Claudius, or Marcus are actual Roman names. All Roman names technically have both feminine and masciline forms, luckily. Though I will admit I sued family names as personal names in some places. An example of this is Dulcibella Livia. Because "Livia" is the female form of the family name "Livius" (like the historian Livy's original/Latin family name), that queen's name doesn't make much sense... nor does the name 'Seianus Vitus Riff Raff'. Seianus/Sejanus is a family inherited nickname I can't remember the meaning of. Though some family names were later used as given/personal names in Rome AND this isn't actually Rome.

Gaius is the most common Roman name overall, so it's very common in Transylvania.

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 **RELIGION** :

They've got a funny sort of polytheism not unlike Rome's. That means a God or Goddess of basically everything from sex to sewers. There's 12 important Gods, though. Some are leftover Etruscan/Roman deities. Others, however, are newer. In the case of Roman gods we have Jupiter/Jove, Juno, Venus, Janus, Minerva, Luna, Mars, and Neptune. Transylvanian additions are: Divus Salpirus, Diva Patricia, Divus Brianillus, and Servillia Transylvanilla. Salpirus is a deified dictator/king who now looks after the commoners and is seen as a founder of sorts. Patricia is a divine version of IX Legion ally Quintillia Patricia who's been lent traits of Roman war-goddess Bellona. Brianillus is the patron deity of poets and a divine version of 3rd Century (TY) poet Publius Brianillus. Transylvanilla is a patron deity of Transylvania itself.

And, yes, they still look at the stars for favorable and/or unfavorable omens. This is mostly just out of strange sense of patriotism. They're a bit smug about being better that Post-Christianity western society. Things like homophobia do not exist for Transylvanians because those things weren't around before "the embarrassing little monotheistic cult who liked martyring too much" went mainstream. Since the IX left Earth at the height of Rome's glory all it's best qualities were preserved. A religion that was somehow both central to society and relatively accepting is useful indeed.

Another useful thing about their religion is that most rulers become Gods after dying. So the people rely on the royal family for both government and religion, giving the royals more power. Though it's bad taste to declare yourself a good _before_ death (just like it is in Rome).

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 **MORALS:**

Like Romans, _their_ ideas of good/bad differ from modern Earthling ideas.

For one thing, sexuality is seen differently. They don't get that weird "straight vs gay vs bi" nonsense. To them sex is sex and it _doesn't_ matter who you do it with as long as both parties agree. So the really don't think sex for pleasure (as opposed to sex for inducing pregnacy) is bad. Everybody likes it and it really doesn't do any harm - especially as tech advances. Early on all marriages were expected to be straight because it was traditionally what was done. And kids were better off legitimate thanks to all that 'family is everything' stuff. Though eventually - probably about their 9th Century or so - this basically stopped and people married whoever.

Another fact is that they have the concept of Honor vs Cowardice instead of Virtue vs Sin. That's very much thanks to their origin as the IX Hispana, a _Roman_ legion. Family mattered. So Seianus Vitus Riff Raff and Vita Magenta killed Frank _and_ his allies(meaning Rocky and Columbia) because it made sense. Any sensible person would want revenge on the killers of one _they_ (the sensible person) were loyal to. Columbia loved Frank too much and Rocky was basically his son. He was Paterfamilia to the household. Of course Columbia and Rocky would try to avenge Frank's death - it was the honorable, normal thing to do. They both died to keep the Vitus family safe. Chickening out and not killing a serious threat would be dishonorable to the family you're endangering.

Speaking of family... that's another thing they totally got from Rome. To modern (RHPS-era) Transylvanians family is _serious business_. They're pretty much the only people you can't fuck (well, you aren't supposed to). Also, you owe your loyalty first to them and second to Transsexual. Paterfamilia is the male - or, more recently, _female_ \- leader of the family. He's like some kind of slavemaster-meets-dad to even those not technically his children. Do not disobey him, since that is disgustingly dishonorable. The king of Transsexual is such a person to his people in general. That's why it's good that Gaius Dulcibellus Caesar Frankenfurter never ruled - he would've been a wretched Paterfamilia! You know, I see Richard O'Brien as the kingly variant of Paterfamilia to us fans. Though he doesn't know/care that most of us exist so it doesn't matter.

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 **LEGAL System** :

One important law is that when a citizen is 16 they are legally an adult. Of course, it's not exactly that simple. A person turning 16 must do all sorts of paperwork and be deemed sane enough to be an adult. It's unknown how Gaius Dulcibellus Caesar Frankenfurter managed to get through such tests. Once someone's an adult they can get married, and many other things. Drinking can be done at any age if it's something simple like a glass of wine at dinner. Though people actually trying to get drunk or going to a bar must be 16.

There isn't any slavery, like in Rome. This is mainly because there aren't any people worth enslaving nearby. Everyone is a citizen if they're from the galaxy Transylvania. Even those who aren't citizens still have some rights - and are _not_ ever slaves. Part of the reason Transylvania lived on while Rome eventually crashed was the fact that they never relied on slave labor.

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 **Astronomy:**

The planet Transsexual rotates around it's on it's side. That means one half of the planet is constantly in darkness. Of _course_ , that's the inhabited half (the sunny side is covered in a sea). So the Transylvanians have evolved to not need various nutrients normally derived from sunlight. This is one of the few minor biological differences between Earthling humans and Transylvanian humans.

Because the sun is seldom seen by an ordinary citizen the moon is more culturally important. There's a 'Lunaday' in their week but not 'Solday'.

The measurement from their sun (which they call Novusol) to their planet is 1.5 Astronomical Units. They call that an AU to them, too. So... things might get a bit confusing.

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 **Out-of-Universe Notes:**

Publius Brianillus is a reference to Richard O'Brien _and_ Roman poet Virgil. Rohopish (which is, in case you're to dim to notice, was the first two letters in each word of the phrase "Rocky Horror Picture Show" stuck together) is basically RHPS meets _Aenied_. Well, it's the National Epic poem of a Rome-like country. I suppose it's more like RHPS.

Quintillia Patricia is named after Patricia Quinn, though that's the only connection.

Early dictator Salpirus is named after RHPS American Fanclub president Sal Piro. He's sort of a dictator because you can't be a president for life, even president of a fanclub (as I like to joke). I can't seem to find much information on him so I don't know if he's still fanclub president (though people say he is). All I know is he was from the club's start to the comic book adaption's release... I think.

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